The Art of Being Alone
Who ever thought the day would come where we would all have to become well-versed in the art of being alone?
Sure, there has always been a fine line between being alone and being lonely, one that is only further denoted by unrealistic expectations set by the newest Netflix romantic comedy or the fact that it seems like “all of our friends are getting married.” We all envy the people who seem to be thriving being alone, out there embarking on an Instagram-broadcasted journey of self-care and self-discovery.
But now, we are all perfecting this art as a means to an end— Getting through the COVID-19 pandemic with our wits still about us! We have been forced into solitude for our own safety, but the necessity of it doesn’t make it any easier to cope with. So how does one do it?
How does a person learn to be alone without feeling lonely?
The Difference Between Being Alone and Being Lonely
First of all, it’s important to understand the difference between the two. Only a few letters set them apart from each other, but the difference is vast.
Being alone can often be considered a luxury that is mostly characterized by physical status— It is you and only you in a given space. Each of us crave a certain amount of time alone in which to rejuvenate, reflect, and just relax. Being alone is an opportunity to slow down from our busy lives and be content in the company of ourselves.
We also often hear this phrase in terms of relationship status: “I’m taking some time to be alone.” Sound familiar? It can also be used this way, and although you might physically be with other people, you are still learning to love your own company. What a concept, right?!
Loneliness, on the other hand, is far less enjoyable and occurs when our emotional and social needs are not being met. Even if we are surrounded by people, we can be lonely, feeling like we do not have someone to confide in or that we are lacking in important and intimate relationships. This deprivation can lead to depression and despair.
Learning how to be alone without being lonely is a sign of independence and confidence, but more importantly, it is a sign of the self-love that each and every person deserves to feel. So how do we learn how to combat the loneliness so as to obtain that self-love?
6 Tips for Being Alone
1. Get your mind right. Remember that you are good enough all by yourself. Remind yourself that you don’t need to be around others in order to be happy; you have a wellspring of happiness within you, and you possess the tools to tap into it.
2. Stop helplessness in its tracks. When we start to feel the symptoms of loneliness (i.e. a lack of motivation, a sense of emptiness, excessive procrastination, insomnia, further alienation from others, etc.), it can be easy to cave to it. The natural inclination is to start to believe that everything is out of our control, including these constant feelings of loneliness. But this is not true in the slightest; as with all emotions, they demand to be felt and experienced before we can move past them. Be aware of your feelings and engage in positive self-talk: “I am not lonely, I am just alone.”
3. Immerse yourself in something that brings you joy and purpose. Being alone and binge-watching the latest season of Grey’s Anatomy are not synonymous. Be a producer, not a consumer, and use your time alone wisely— Learn a new hobby; hone in on a skill that you haven’t had time for; tackle your reading list (it’s about time!); or set a new intention every day in your yoga flow.
4. Make “quality over quantity” your new mantra. So many people, myself included, often get confused and think the number of friends we have determines our worth. False! Meaningful and sustainable connection comes from the quality of our relationships, not the amount of people at our birthday party. Even in the midst of a global pandemic, continue to foster the relationships that you feel you can be yourself in by doing Zoom wine nights, calling them when you go for a drive, or sending a text just to let them know you’re thinking of them.
5. Become an observer. Instead of burying your nose in your smartphone, look up and around you. Notice the way the birds wake you up at dawn, and then lay in bed longer than you probably should to listen to them. Go on a hike and pay attention to the way the sun comes through the leaves just as they’re changing color. Take joy in the young family that you pass on your afternoon walk every day and the way that they interact with one another.
6. Find ways to care for others. Research shows that one can feel a renewed sense of purpose when they help others, reminding us that what we do matters. Bake cookies for your elderly neighbor and deliver them in her mailbox the next time you walk around the block. Send your friend who is struggling with loneliness a bouquet of sunflowers. Create a care package for your sister in college.
7. Don’t neglect your relationship with yourself. Hey, you’re not totally alone, remember? You’re still here! Be in constant communication with yourself. Ask yourself every day: What do I need that I can tap into within myself? Am I just going through the motions or is what I’m doing fulfilling? What do I want out of life, and what am I doing to achieve it?
Being alone doesn’t have to be the worst thing in the world. In fact, it can be the time of your life and the time where you learn more about yourself and just how much of a gift you are to the people in your life. Use the time wisely, and don’t be so scared of being alone.
After all, it’s not loneliness.
