The Toxic Notion of Superwoman
So you think you’re Superwoman, huh?
I have no doubt you’re an empowered and accomplished woman. I’m confident you are good at what you do, whether you are successful in your entrepreneurial career path, a devoted wife and mother, a diligent employee, etc. I am sure you check off more on your to-do list in a single day than most people do in a week.
But what if what makes you Superwoman isn’t your to-do list at all? What if it isn’t about working sixteen hour days and compromising your sleep schedule to feel accomplished? What if it isn’t about that big promotion or running twenty miles in a week when you barely even have time to eat?
What if what makes you Superwoman is actually your commitment to avoiding burnout and taking care of yourself?
So You’ve Reached the Point of Burnout…
Although burnout is not yet considered an official clinical condition, this “occupational phenomenon” has certainly become a common phrase used in clinical settings. It is the result of compounded stress, and although it can apply to many areas of life, it is generally characterized by exhaustion and bitterness towards your place of employment after running yourself into the ground.
Many people mistakenly buy into the inspirational adages (i.e. “Hustle and heart sets you apart, girl!”), but what these Pinterest quotes don’t tell you is that too much hustle can be severely detrimental to your mental health and promote burnout in a number of ways:
- It can encourage toxic behavior that leads to financial stress: splurging on getting your nails done, buying a bottle of wine and calling it self-care, going on a “retail therapy shopping spree” even though your monthly budget doesn’t allow for that, etc. (Pro tip: Invest in some real therapy, instead!)
- It can cause you to constantly feel overwhelmed, even by minuscule things that normally wouldn’t upset you.
- It can have you mindlessly looking for other employment/income options, even though you would have sworn two months ago that you loved your job.
- It can convince you that you are never enough, that you always have to be striving for more, that something extra is always going to be expected of you.
Ways to Defeat Burnout and Find that Work-Life Balance
- Carve downtime into your calendar. No, but seriously: Quite literally build time off into your physical calendar. Create an event on your iPhone calendar app; write a note in Sharpie on your wall calendar; do what you need to do.
- Rethink how much of your to-do list is necessary. Carefully consider how much of your to-do list is comprised of necessary tasks and how much of it is what you’ve convinced yourself you need to do. Do you really need to deposit that check at the bank across town the same day that you have to run the kids to soccer practice and stock up on groceries for the neighborhood block party? Does the bathroom need cleaned today or can it wait until the weekend? Do you need to work overtime two weeks in a row, or have you created that belief in your own head as a means to feel accomplished?
- Let those dishes sit. Just this once… or twice. Just leave them in the sink and go do something for yourself for a change. They’ll be there in the morning.
- Let go of perfectionism. If you are an overachiever, and that desire to always do better than you did before is what lead you to this place of burnout, just let it go. Perfectionism will quickly become something unattainable because you just keep on raising the bar for yourself, higher and higher, until it is almost of reach. Give yourself some grace, and let yourself be human.
- Exercise and meditate! Did you know that exercise is often the first thing out the window when our calendars fill up, when in fact, it should really be the last thing to go? Exercise is the most effective stress-reducer out there— It pumps endorphins (that feel-good natural drug of choice) into our bodies, lifting our moods and often putting us into a meditative state. Reframe your mentality to think of exercise and meditation as self-care, not obligation.
- (Gently) cut out activities and people that waste your time or energy. I get it; you don’t want to make Sarah unhappy by telling her you can’t come to wine night because it always ends up being her boyfriend-bashing session, and that drains you. You don’t want to stop attending book club even though you haven’t actually liked a single book you’ve read yet. It pains you to think about politely excusing yourself from the conversations when the office chatterbox corners you at the water cooler every Monday morning to tell you about her weekend. I totally get it! But these are things fueling your burnout. It isn’t selfish to eliminate things or people that don’t benefit your energy and best self.
- Ask your friends and family to keep you accountable. They sometimes know you better than you know yourself, so why not put them to work? Ask a couple of friends to gently let you know when they notice you going into overdrive or biting off more than you can chew. That accountability could be all you need to bring you back down to an attainable state of being.
Burnout can be a tricky villain to defeat. Our culture has embedded it deep into our psyches that we must always be better, always do better. If you find yourself in an endless cycle of seeking balance over burnout, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Together, we can have you tapping into your inner Superwoman in no time.
RESOURCES:
“Early Career Psychology: Balance versus Burnout”
