Feelings Are Not Facts
Picture this: You sit down for your weekly Zoom meeting with your work team. It’s your turn to present your projected strategy for a big prospective client. You’re on a roll; the presentation you’ve spent hours on couldn’t be going any smoother. You’re about to launch into the marketing points when you think you catch your boss roll his eyes across the screen.
All of a sudden, your confidence is out the window. Your presentation loses its momentum, and you convince yourself there’s no way your boss will go for this pitch. You scan the other team members’ reactions for context clues, and now you’re pretty sure that they’re equally unenthused by your ideas. You wrap up your presentation a little quicker than planned, defeated and certain that you’ve let the whole team down.
We Are Feeling-Based Thinkers
We all do it at one time or other. We all experience an emotion and process it as a fact instead. It is, by no means, unnatural for something to produce an emotional response and for our brains to selectively search for facts to back up our so-called hypothesis. We are professional cherry-pickers, processing only the facts and clues that might prove we were “right” all along. In other words: Feelings summon the facts that they need to prove themselves.
When we treat feelings as facts, we might see the world as a cruel and harmful place. We might put up our guard against outcomes that we have actually imagined. We can spend entire days stressing that we’re going to get fired because we’ve convinced ourselves our boss looked at us funny in a Zoom meeting (it’s pretty darn difficult to gauge someone’s true reactions virtually, isn’t it?) or wondering if a close friend is distancing themselves because we haven’t heard from them in awhile (what if they’re just busy with work, as well?). We might even allow our self-worth to take a hit based on something that never even happened like we thought it did.
This can get pretty darn exhausting, and it isn’t a healthy way to go through life. While our brains are predisposed to process things as quickly as possible, often leading to misinterpretations, there are ways to help your brain recognize that feelings are not facts.
Dear Brain: Feelings Are Not Facts
First off, don’t hear this as me saying that you should disregard your feelings. Feelings are your built-in gauge for assessing your goals, intentions, and responses. They’re basically the odometer that you race through life with, and they are valuable. Honor them accordingly, don’t suppress or ignore them.
Instead, take time to sit with your feelings. Get curious about them and take time to make sure they aren’t just suppositions of something else. Without being critical of yourself, allow yourself to take a look at how you might be creating these emotions. Are you stressed about something else and merely projecting on a different thing? Are you exhausted from burning the midnight oil on that work presentation and just a little more on edge than usual?
You can also gently take a look at the situation you experienced emotions about. For example, in the situation I imagined up where you think your boss rolled his eyes at you, consider how your boss is feeling without being accusatory. Could you just have caught him in a bad moment? Or could he even have visual fatigue from the screen and realize he forgot his blue light glasses? Look for truth and be open to the idea that your feelings might not be accurate.
Finally, it can often be helpful to run your feelings by someone that you trust. You’ve heard the expression “get out of your own head,” right? There is actually some great advice within that statement! If we are running a thought pattern through our brain enough and catch ourselves in the act, we might recognize that some outside perspective could prove useful.
Above all else, if you’re finding that you’re doubting your feelings and taking them as law all too often, don’t hesitate to get support.
