Finding and Keeping the Love You Crave
Society often feeds us the message that it is abnormal to crave love. We are encouraged to be independent, love ourselves, enjoy the time alone, etc. Influencer after influencer shows us the perks of the single life or even admonishes us for desperately wanting to be in a relationship. Your very own friends might rebuke your feelings of loneliness, making you feel more isolated and craving love even more than before.
While loving yourself and being independent is important and holds value in your emotional health, the need for connection and love is fundamental. It is quite literally engrained in us, and you have no reason to be ashamed for wanting that very thing yourself.
Don’t give up hope. You deserve love, and it is an essential component of a fulfilling life. No one was made to be an island. Here are five tips that will point you in the right direction to finding and keeping love:
1. Become the person you want to attract. The law of attraction might sound like a bunch of fluff, but it is actually so true; the energy you put out into the world comes back around. You cannot ask your future life partner to be something you are not, nor can you look for values in a partner that you don’t even have a glimmer of. Seek to align your values with your idea of happily-ever-after and notice how that attracts the right type of partner.
2. Stop shaming yourself for wanting and needing love. While loving yourself first holds weight, every living, breathing individual needs love from an outside source. It is not a weakness, no matter what American culture might lead you to believe. Remind yourself often that you are worthy of love; this affirmation will set you on the path to finding the love you want. (Again, there’s that law of attraction in action!)
3. Don’t depend on dating apps. While it’s true that some people have found love on Tinder or Bumble or Hinge, dating apps are most often used as a “quick hit” confidence boost. People who depend on dating apps are generally looking to raise their self-esteem, but that self-esteem can just as quickly be sent plummeting by lack of “matches.” While not all people on these sites are engaging in this unhealthy activity, a good portion of them aren’t looking for healthy relationships.
Instead, try going to coffee shops or parks, making yourself accessible to the kind of person that you want to attract. I know this is difficult during the pandemic, but it goes back to attracting the kind of person you want: Is your forever partner really siphoning through people on a dating app, or is he or she making good use of their time by engaging in healthy, fulfilling activities away from the apps? Food for thought, anyway.
4. Work on yourself. It sounds like such a cliche at this point (how much work can we really do, Kanita?!), but seeking to become a better partner while you’re single is so important. You’ll be less likely to encounter conflict with your significant other down the road if you’ve already done the inner work to resolve those issues within yourself.
I know it’s hard to be alone. You are seen and understood. We aren’t predisposed for loneliness, and there’s even more of it now than ever before. That being said, please know that you are supported and reach out any time.
