Healing Your Inner Child
More often than not, you consider yourself a pretty well-rounded adult, don’t you? You pay your bills. You actually use your gym membership; you get your dog to the vet on time for his vaccinations; and sometimes, you even manage to make an authentic Italian meal instead of throwing a frozen pizza in the oven! You’re “adulting”!
But do you notice, every so often, when someone makes an off-putting remark or something gets under your skin, that you all of a sudden feel like throwing a tantrum? We’re talking an all-out, five-year-old, laying-on-the-floor, kicking-and screaming-tantrum here. Maybe you don’t actually do it in the middle of the grocery store when your mom calls to ask your input on the new kitchen tile for the sixth time this week, but the inclination is there, isn’t it?
Meet Your Inner Child
That right there— that desire to just rage— is your inner child talking. According to psychotherapist Joan E. Childs, every adult has a small portion of themselves that never grew up, and we have taken to calling that your “inner child.” Much of this originates from a source of childhood neglect or trauma that you buried deep within at one point in time to protect yourself. Unfortunately, burying pain is not a long-term solution, and it will eventually surface in adult lif.
Although it may seem like it would be harmless to have a part of yourself that is still innocent, it can actually be quite damaging to the psyche, as it keeps a grown individual from responding in healthy and mature ways to situations that spark childhood damage. The intention behind healing the inner child is locating and releasing the cause for childlike behaviors or reactions so that a person can react and cope more appropriately as an adult.
Strategies for Releasing Your Inner Child
- Go to therapy. I won’t lie to you; releasing your inner child can take some work. Because of the often deeply wounded nature of this younger you, a licensed professional is often necessary to help locate and let go of your inner child. Please reach out today for help letting go of what once served you to restore your best self.
- Say hello to your inner child. This can seem like an awkward step to self-discovery, but it mostly involves nothing more than recognizing sources of pain in your childhood manifesting themselves in your adult life. You have kept them buried for so long, but in order to fully heal, you must put in the work to find out what hurt you so badly in the first place.
- Pay attention to what your inner child is trying to tell you. Do you notice how angry you get when your significant other doesn’t make time for you, and does it all of a sudden remind you of how your father never stepped away from work enough to notice the A+ plastered on the refrigerator, right in his line of sight? Do you possess an innate fear of rejection that, if you pay close enough attention to, you notice hinges largely from the incessant criticism you took from your fourth grade teacher? Does it make you anxious when a long-time friend moves away, which could stem from your best friend moving away when you were a mere six years old?
- Have a go at meditation! As discussed in a previous blog post, ‘The Power of Sitting Still,’ meditation can be an incredibly transformative experience. It boosts mindful self-awareness, making it easier to notice when certain situations incur one of these childlike responses. Meditation is also a great practice for granting acceptance towards unwanted emotions. When you are accustomed to accepting emotions that make you uncomfortable, they become easier to cope with and act accordingly.
- Don’t lose your sense of childlike wonder. It is important to note that there is a difference between your “inner child” in the psychological sense and the part of you that remains playful and fun. Don’t lose sight of this latter self: Take joy in small pleasures like the ice cream truck coming around your neighborhood on a steamy afternoon or playing tag with your nieces and nephews. Play games with your kids like you’re still a kid yourself; be immersed in this experience with your own child. Don’t take life too seriously, and be sure to make time for whimsy in your busy schedule.
Most importantly, don’t be ashamed of embarking on the process of healing your inner child. Many people, although often unbeknownst to them, experience trauma in childhood that results in an unfulfilled longing for love and acceptance. It isn’t your fault you have carried it all this way. Now it is just up to you to work to heal it.
