It’s Nobody’s Fault: Outgrowing Relationships
People change. We know that for a fact. But what do we do when we change so much that we have outgrown our relationships?
Whether it be a friendship, familial tie, colleague, or romantic relationship, there’s nothing wrong with outgrowing people. Sometimes we go in different directions, our long term goals no longer align, or our communication has been “off” for quite some time. It’s okay to undergo personal transformation; in fact, it is your birthright to constantly evolve and pursue your most authentic self. Sometimes it just so happens to be the case that it doesn’t include all of the people you once thought it did. We all grow at different paces and are bound to outgrow at some point in time.
4 Signs That You Have Outgrown a Relationship
- Conversation doesn’t come as easily as it once did. When you notice that the conversation is consistently forced, although it used to flow naturally and enthusiastically, it could be that you simply don’t have as much to talk about as you once did. You might even notice that you no longer feel intellectually or emotionally stimulated in conversing with them, which is a telltale indication that you have perhaps developed a different value system, interests, goals, etc.
- You intentionally refrain from sharing your personal or professional accomplishments. When you are in a healthy relationship, romantic or otherwise, it is easy to share the good news in your life. Whether it be a job promotion, an exciting birth announcement from your extended family, or just a personal mental health win, people who support you and are cheering you on will celebrate this good news right along with you. Alternatively, if you no longer feel comfortable sharing these “wins” because you feel the other person won’t relate or understand, it could indicate that you are just on different wavelengths in life nowadays.
- You feel like you are personally instigating arguments, and you recognize they are unfounded. All of a sudden, it feels like everything— even the smallest things— are getting under your skin. You pick fights, and then you wonder whether you were actually upset or are projecting your frustration about outgrowing them on them.
- You consistently question their value systems and goals, wondering why you were ever friends or partners with them in the first place. First of all, don’t discount the good times you had together. After all, they were perhaps instrumental in your own growth, in getting you to the very place you are now. But if you find that your own goals and life path consistently forks with theirs, it could just be that you’ve outgrown them. And again… That’s okay!
If you’ve started to notice some of these signs, I’m sure you are experiencing some sadness. After all, this person was, and likely still is, important to you. Just because you have outgrown each other does not mean that your relationship is done for, cut and dry.
Tips for Stepping Into Your Authenticity
In fact, there are still instances in which you can communicate your differences and continue to grow together. Similarly and realistically, there are also instances in which you simply can’t.
Either way, should you find yourself in these circumstances, it’s important to first of all recognize that there is nothing wrong with either of you. Growth is a natural process, and so, then, is outgrowth. But, communication is crucial in any relationship, and it is always worth the conversation. In fact, sometimes the other person just doesn’t possess the bravery to bring it up themselves, and they will appreciate when you do. Let your partner/friend/family member in on this personal growth that you have recognized within yourself, letting them know that you have made some personal shifts, and it’s okay if they haven’t made them themselves. Hearing how they react to this mature and honest conversation will be a great indication on your next steps, too.
If you find that this conversation doesn’t result in the outcomes you were hoping for (i.e. they don’t want to make changes along with you, they ridicule you for your growth, etc.), be okay with going your own way. After all, you’re on the fast track to doing that already as you grow into a different person than you were years, months, or even days ago.
No matter what, don’t be afraid to make the move and let go of people that might hold you back from your authenticity. You deserve and are capable of the relationships that you desire, and you have every right to surround yourself with people who support you and want similar things in the grand scheme.
