Letting Go of Past Wounds for Healthy Relationships
It isn’t uncommon for people to have a ‘love-gone-wrong’ horror story. Part of being human is learning to love, and that often means loving the wrong people or loving the right people in the wrong way at some time or other.
We sometimes learn the hard way, but that doesn’t mean it has to stay that way. No matter what your past relationships looked like, you can move forward into a healthy relationship that offers you authentic connection and intimacy.
Letting Go of Past Hurts
Before you can move into a new relationship, though, it is important to remedy what has been broken. If your last relationship was unhealthy, you’re likely carrying some of those wounds, and the last thing you want to do is bring them into your next relationship. With some of these tips, you can work through your residual emotions in a healthy way.
- Practice makes more practice. Your former relationships played an elemental part in who you are today, so it’s not likely that you can just “turn off” your thoughts about them. Practice dwelling on these past wounds less and less every day, gently pulling your damaging thought patterns towards optimism and healing.
- Learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself. You aren’t perfect, and you couldn’t possibly be expected to “ace” the relationship game right away. (In fact, no one ever does; relationships can be difficult, but that doesn’t meant they aren’t worth it.) Focus on learning something from the experience instead of playing a one man blame game.
- Work on yourself. You don’t have to jump straight into a new relationship, especially after one or two that were unhealthy. Take some time to learn more about yourself, to explore what makes you you, and to love all of that.
- Go to therapy. A mental health professional can help you sift through the damage done in your past relationships, as well as the part you played in it. Letting go of past hurts is rooted in getting to the source of the matter and changing toxic thought patterns and behaviors so that you can move forward into a healthy, authentic way of living and loving.
Loving in a Healthy Way
Once you’ve done the inner work to repair past hurts, and you’ve taken the time you need to love yourself again, you might find that you’re ready to get back out there, but you’re nervous about repeating unhealthy patterns. This is entirely understandable, and there are a number of “rules of thumb” that you can abide by to keep yourself in check.
- Don’t hide your past wounds from your partner, but don’t make them their problem either. If you are with the right person, they will want to know everything about you, so it’s important to share the parts of you that shaped who you are. Even still, it’s important to avoid projecting those past wounds onto your current partner.
- When in doubt, TRUST. I know this sounds counterintuitive, but trust is truly the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Trust that your partner will not hurt you like the last one did; trust that you have done the inner work to be a healthy partner yourself; and trust that you deserve good love built on authentic connection.
- Communicate properly and effectively. If you’re noticing some of your old behaviors come up, tell your partner that you’re working through them, and you’re trying not to project it onto them. This will let them know that you trust them (see #2!) and that you’re willing to grow through your reparations together.
There are so many other crucial components to loving in a healthy way, but the most important of these is to keep in mind that your past does not make up your present. Contact me today if you’re working towards mending past wounds and experiencing healthy relationships.
