ReBourne Wellness

Letting Go of What No Longer Serves You for Something Better

Humans are creatures of comfort. We inherently gravitate towards what is familiar because curveballs really aren’t our thing. We form habits, we stick to those habits, and we don’t really love to adapt if we don’t have to. We form attachments to people and things, and then we proceed to hold onto them for dear life, even if we don’t really know why. It’s just the way things are, and that’s the way we’d like them to stay.

But there often comes a point where things that once worked for you no longer do because they no longer propel you in the direction you want to go. This can be a relationship, a habit, a job— heck, even a breakfast you habitually eat! Sometimes these things just stand in your way, but it’s okay to let them go. 

4 Reasons Something Might No Longer Serve You

There can be many reasons for this change, none of which are bad or shameful. In fact, releasing what no longer serves you in pursuit of something else is a testament to your ability to purse inner freedom and your truest desires. 

1. You’ve finally realized a lifelong dream. We are prime perpetrators of pushing our dreams to the side because they don’t seem practical or sustainable enough. Instead, we go get the job that guarantees money; we settle down in a town that is familiar; we remain in patterns that are comfortable. But there might come a point in your life where you are finally ready to realize your overarching life goals and speak them out into the universe. 
2. This thing has become a negative force in your life. It happens. That friendship might have been good for you before, but perhaps you’ve continued to grow, and your friend hasn’t. Perhaps that friend has started to hold you back and bring you down. Things change, and it’s okay to change right along with them. 
3. It was something you thought you needed, but then you got it. And it wasn’t. There are times things just aren’t what we thought they were. You got that significant other you’ve been praying for, but then he or she just wasn’t what you made him out to be. You finally got that promotion, but now you’re working fifty hours a week and tearing your hair out over it. You got invited to grab drinks with that cool colleague of yours, but then she wasn’t cool at all; in fact, she was arrogant and rude. It just wasn’t what you thought it would be! It is what it is; now you move forward. 
4. It just doesn’t go with your flow. Letting go of something that no longer serves you doesn’t always mean reinventing the whole wheel— letting go of a relationship, changing career paths, moving to a different city. Sometimes, it can just be a little something that stands in your way! Maybe you always loved waking up early to catch the sunrise with a cup of coffee, but now that you are working later hours in pursuit of that promotion you’ve been gunning towards, you need to clock eight hours of sleep. Simple as that; it’s time to let go of those early morning hours, at least for a little while. 

Exercises to Help You Let Go

The hardest part of all of this is realizing what we need to let go of in the first place. It can be uncomfortable, but in all reality, we should constantly be taking stock of our habits and relationships, assessing whether or not they really do serve us. (Your brain might be yelling: “But do I have to?!)

No, you don’t have to. But you want to. You have dreams and desires that are better for you. Life is gracious like that and affords you the opportunity to let go of anything that is wearing you down or impeding on your wellbeing mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. You have a say, and what a gift that is. 

Here are some exercises to help you let go: 

1. Start small. You don’t have to change your whole world overnight. In fact, you might have a bit of a hard time with it; it’s a big world out there (but who am I to stop you from trying?). Don’t put that sort of pressure on yourself, though. Recognize that you might be letting go of patterns or people that are imprinted deep within you, and that could take a little bit of time. For example, if you’ve set an intention to be a healthier person both physically and spiritually, perhaps you start by drinking a gallon of water and doing a twenty minute yoga flow every day. Two weeks later, maybe you omit sugar (please, no, not the cookies!!) and amp that yoga flow up to an hour. Don’t change your world overnight; just take meaningful steps to make your world how you want it. 
2. Think of your life in stages. The tendency is to want to think of your life as one long line on an uninterrupted trajectory towards goodness knows what. When we do this, we resist change and think of ourselves as non-malleable. This isn’t unwarranted; it can be hard to think that we are a different person than we were last year, last month, or even yesterday! Instead, think of your life as many different lives, each one bringing you closer to your truest self and goals. 
3. Desire or Duty? Create a list of the activities you do on a daily basis, and then separate them into categories. Is it a desire or a duty? At the very least, this exercise will open your eyes to the potential imbalance between things that fill your soul and things that don’t. Consider it: Are you a “duty first, then desire if there’s anything left over for me” kind of person? Let’s change that, shall we? 
4. Run an inventory check. Make a list of any one of the following things: 

1. 1. Physical possessions
   2. Beliefs
   3. Values
   4. Obligations
   5. Hobbies
   6. Relationships
   7. Connections
   8. Goals
   9. Commitments
   10. Habits

So, for example, I might choose to make a list of my habits. I start jotting things down like coffee in the morning, two mile walk with my dog, scroll mindlessly through Instagram, do the dishes, check email, have a glass of red wine at the end of the day, call mom, check Instagram again etc. 

Now do an exercise that might hurt a little bit— Eliminate half of that list. Start crossing things out with reckless abandon (don’t worry; I crossed out both mindless Instagram scrolls on mine). Don’t spend too much time on any one thing; just go with your gut. Once you’re done, take thoughtful stock: What got slashed? Why did it get cut out? And most importantly, what are you going to do about it? 

5. Draw a clear line between enjoyment and value. Just because you enjoy something, does not mean it is of value to you. Say it as many times as you need to make yourself believe it. Just because those chocolate chip cookies taste heavenly straight out of the oven doesn’t mean they are valuable to you. Just because you enjoy spending time with a certain friend does not mean it is anything more than a dopamine rush. Just because you like spending $6 on a grande vanilla latte every morning on the way to work does not mean it adds value to your life. 

6. Deliberately decide not to succeed at anything you don’t love. This is a tough one. (“You mean I can’t be good at everything?!”) No, Superman, you really can’t. In fact, success at something that doesn’t bring you joy really isn’t success at all. In fact, you have only succeeded in disregarding your true desires and pursuing something that doesn’t serve you. When you instead choose not to be good at the things that don’t make you happy, you cut out a whole lot of deadweight that will make you lighter and more apt to pursue what does make you happy.